Reclaiming

Has anyone told you how beautiful you are? (....when you think you're at your ugliest)

Has anyone kissed the hurts, the bruises, the scars? (.....probably not, because you're deeply protective of the sanctuary you've had to create)

Have you reclaimed the broken, shattered pieces of your heartspace? (...do you even want to anymore?)

Are you exhausted from the taking...and giving...and care-taking...and trying...and doing...and all of the "things"... to even realize just how exhausted you are?

Is your body taking the beating and having an internal war inside of itself?

I hear you...

I see you...

I AM You.

_____________

For a long time, my journey of darkness seemed never ending.

The MUD.

The Sh*t storm...after sh*t storm of lessons ----- "blessings," which are irrevocably part of this spiritual process.

This peeling.

This undoing.

This unlearning.

Years of walking through my own Shawshank tunnel.

Years of quietude.

Years of inner work, and creating my very own ashram.

Years of dealing, healing, and feeling the "ugliest" fragments of myself.....to slowly rise, unscathed, like the lotus flower, blooming the darkness and unfolding without any mud... without any residue....without any label...without anything other than LOVE for the duality of pain and pleasure of understanding its purpose.🪷

We are taught to look externally for validation.

This is not the path of healing.

Healing requires us to really look deeply into the parts of ourselves, that may seem* ugly, broken, horrific, unmendable. And if you're a survivor like me, you have probably come to internalize those blows, which were weaponized against you.

You probably apologize for no reason.

You hit a repeat cycle of guilt/shame/blame.

You want the tools, are seeking the tools, using your tools.... and sometimes there is still a piece of some tool, which seems missing.

As the poet Rumi reminds us, "the wound is the place where the light enters."

When we invite ourselves to look there....within the darkness, within the muck, within the nastinest, most horrifying parts of ourselves... the monsters that we probably told we are, then become the greatest allies and truest friends we will ever meet.

There is a saying, "Yogis don't have friends."

I came to understand why not, through my own journey.

What is a friend?

According to Oxford, a "friend" is defined as the following:

noun - a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations: she's a friend of mine | we were close friends.

We are conditioned from childhood to make friends, to socialize, to go with the group.

We are rarely celebrated if we have the courage to walk alone. In fact, children who do* have a strong sense of individuality and are capable of self-reliance are often deemed as "odd ducks" and anti-social. The path of healing requires the strength, the moxie, the grit to go-at-it and go within ALONE. If we are not being taught how to embody and take healthy ownership of becoming our own friend, making friends* with the parts of ourselves we are seeking in others, making friends with our inner demons, making friends with our divine shadows, then we are not creating a healthy relationship within our own temple. We will constantly be seeking fulfillment outside, thinking that our purpose is "out there," and that external community is vital to existence.

But what about the internal community?

What about your heartspace community?

What about your headspace community?

What about the community within your own body?

We saw a reflection of this happen in the pandemic.

Pandemic personalities fell into one of these 4 groups:

1. drunks

2. chunks

3. hunks

4. monks

If you were not equipped with the tools to channel the solitude, chances are your coping mechanisms mirrored one of the above roles. Identity is created around the desire for inclusivity. But healing teaches us, that inclusivity is inherent in all beings. No label will unite us, until we lean into reclaiming how sovereign we truly are.

What happens when we strip away and remove the labels?

We begin to unearth, who we truly are. Your begin to RECLAIM your autonomy.

Community cannot replace the solo work, that one must do to RECLAIM the fragments.

Community is there to support, as a baseline tool, as you learn to HELP yourself.

Community is less about encouraging outward action, and more about cultivating inward homeostasis.

Community requires leadership from those, who are lighthouses* not just light workers.

To reclaim ourselves is really hard.

I will not sugar coat or intellectualize any part of this process.

Healing hurts. That is why growing pains are called growing pains. Growth is painful, but stagnancy is a slow and debilitative death.

I share and speak only from a place of truth.

No one really talks about the difficulty of the Yogic path.

Rarely is it shared how painful this walk is.

Seldom is it spoken of, that the embodiment of Self is the entire stripping away of the identity we claim....the roles and labels we cling to....the gripping of facades, which serve zero purpose. Par example, you may identify as an actor, and therefore that "role" has come to define your purpose in life. I may have identified as a teacher, at some point, because that was a role/title given to me. In an age where labels are being used under a guide of "deconstruction" and "reconstruction" of identities, the fact is these very labels are preventing us from CLAIMING our natural birthright. We are the unbounded... limitless... embodiment of pure divinity... pure source creation in human form. Labels and roles create separation of self from SELF. To truly understand and embody this* concept is to unlock the inner workings of path of reclamation.

Our "roles" don't define us.

Our "talents" don't define us.

Our "accomplishments" don't define us.

Our "shattered pieces" don't define us.

Our "labels" don't define us.

They serve a momentary* purpose on our path of recovery and healing.

They serve as a placement holder, while we navigate the puzzles.

They serve as a temporary roadmap back hOMe....back to union...back to divinity, back to LOVE.

In love, with love, through love,

N🤍